Thursday, April 4, 2013

Am I the same girl.....

I think sometimes I suffer from multiple personalities. See, in my mind I have this fantasy of who I want to be. I see myself completely different than I actually am. Only when these two identities come crashing together in the real world am I forced to face the truth. I am not the girl I wish I was.

In my head I am this free spirited, at home in nature hippie. I buy whole organic foods and take bath's in Dr Bronner's soap. I live in the country and have animals and a garden that feed my family. I rise early to get eggs from the chickens and milk my cow, Mildred. Yes, my imaginary cow has a name. I am anti-chemical and holistic. All the tables in my house are brightly colored mosaics. There are quirky nick knacks through out. I dress in an effortless bohemian style and drive a VW van.

I am drawn to blogs about people who live this way. I love the images and think how lovely their rustic kitchens are. I gaze jealously at their property with animals and a neat little vegetable patch. Then I look around my own home and looks nothing like that.

In real life I live in a city with lots of convenience and lots of people. Its a nice quiet suburban area, but its by no means the rural retreat I tell myself I want. I have had plenty of opportunities to move out into the country but when push came to shove I just couldn't do it. In the same way I couldn't bring myself to paint and distress my kitchen cabinets when several of my friends did. It's just not me.....the real me anyway.

My practical taste is fairly modern. I like clean lines and neutrals. I do tend to favor a bit of traditional style as well, but only when it's accompanied by a modern element to tone it down. I love sparkle in my clothes and in my makeup. I prefer to look more jet set than natural. My dream kitchen cabinets are black with slim brushed nickel hardware. My life is more Ikea than pottery barn. And I do homeschool which is a bit out of the box. So why the great divide between my mind and reality? The only way I can seem to reconcile the two is to try and work as many of my hippie desires into my cityfied cushy life.

The organic food was a fairly easy switch. The soap and cleaning products were a seamless transition as well. Learning to make bread was a bit harder, but well worth the effort. I am working on my own little patch of a garden this year which makes my hippie heart sing. I am pretty sure the city won't let me have the farm animals I want though. It's probably for the best. I don't even want to clean up after my two pampered house dogs. My minivan is just so dang comfortable and good on gas and as idyllic as it may seem I just don't think the country is for me. I have this thing where I am afraid of being eaten by wild animals. I am sure its a very respectable phobia.

Every now and then I pretend with my husband that I want to live on acreage and visit Mildred every day. I kinda would like more space. Maybe one day he will convince me to take the plunge and commit myself to farm living. Until then I will appease my free spirited all natural inner self with some eco friendly changes. We have to come together on some things.......just not everything. And we can still smell good.


Dalila Ricks said...

You're funny but i am kinda the same way. i want to be more organic and some of the other things you mention but can't seem to push myself out there to start it all... I see myself in my head different than my real self...

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