Friday, March 2, 2012

Suspension without suspense

So I am participating in a challenge from http://fromthebungalow.wordpress.com/2012/02/29/writing-challenge-musical-affinity/. Its supposed to be a music post. Well I just wrote a musical post, but can you ever have too many posts about music! Can you?

PSHAW!

Back in my premarried days I lamented over many a failed relationship. There was one that was particularly jarring to my psyche because I acted like an absolute stranger for the whole of it. It was a weird out of body sort of thing. I can't explain it. I wanted this boy to like me and I was gonna make him. The only problem was that he couldn't handle me......well the real me anyway. He had a hard enough time dealing with the toned down fictional me that I had invented just to keep him around.

It was a sad unnerving experience. A No Doubt song seemed to embody everything I was feeling. I put it on repeat and sang it through tears at the top of my lungs. It was as if Gwen and I were having our own pity party together commiserating our deteriorating romances.

Here it is.


It was a pretty confusing time for me, but I just sang my heart out until it began to mend. The boy and I broke up, of course. He went on to meet his spouse and after a few wrong turns I ran into mine. But sometimes I still wonder what he is doing and if he has any clue that he never knew me at all. I suppose its irrelevant. I am glad that I married someone that I can be myself around. Pretense is exhausting. I guess every girl has done something stupid to impress a guy.

The song, to me anyway, is about falling for someone at a vulnerable time and trying to make it work, even though you know it can't. I hope I am a bit smarter and more honest with myself now. It was a lesson learned, but I will never fall out of love with this song.

4 comments:

Viva La Vida said...

Awesome post!

fromthebungalow said...

Christine, this is great. You tied in perfectly to your song choice and told us something about yourself. A touching post. Thanks for playing along!

fromthebungalow said...

Oops, that is to say, Christina! I also wanted to say, perfect ending to this post. I love it.

Christina said...

Thanks!