Friday, March 2, 2012

Suspension without suspense

So I am participating in a challenge from Its supposed to be a music post. Well I just wrote a musical post, but can you ever have too many posts about music! Can you?


Back in my premarried days I lamented over many a failed relationship. There was one that was particularly jarring to my psyche because I acted like an absolute stranger for the whole of it. It was a weird out of body sort of thing. I can't explain it. I wanted this boy to like me and I was gonna make him. The only problem was that he couldn't handle me......well the real me anyway. He had a hard enough time dealing with the toned down fictional me that I had invented just to keep him around.

It was a sad unnerving experience. A No Doubt song seemed to embody everything I was feeling. I put it on repeat and sang it through tears at the top of my lungs. It was as if Gwen and I were having our own pity party together commiserating our deteriorating romances.

Here it is.

It was a pretty confusing time for me, but I just sang my heart out until it began to mend. The boy and I broke up, of course. He went on to meet his spouse and after a few wrong turns I ran into mine. But sometimes I still wonder what he is doing and if he has any clue that he never knew me at all. I suppose its irrelevant. I am glad that I married someone that I can be myself around. Pretense is exhausting. I guess every girl has done something stupid to impress a guy.

The song, to me anyway, is about falling for someone at a vulnerable time and trying to make it work, even though you know it can't. I hope I am a bit smarter and more honest with myself now. It was a lesson learned, but I will never fall out of love with this song.


Viva La Vida said...

Awesome post!

Anonymous said...

Christine, this is great. You tied in perfectly to your song choice and told us something about yourself. A touching post. Thanks for playing along!

Anonymous said...

Oops, that is to say, Christina! I also wanted to say, perfect ending to this post. I love it.

Christina said...