Saturday, February 2, 2013

Dear logical people...

Since I wrote a post for my comrades on the emotional front I thought I would write one for my friends on the other side of the ocean of emotion. While I am doing laps you are on the shore occasionally poking your big toe in. I know its a bit strange and uncomfortable at times, but I think there are a few things that I could point out to help you acclimate. There is undoubtedly an emotional person in your life that probably at times frustrates the you to the point of screaming obscenities. I can help you help them and lower your blood pressure all for free.

 If you want to understand your emotional child/spouse/ friend pay attention. I know, you already know everything, but just humor me. Kay?

1. Your reaction to the emotional person will not ever never never ever change their behavior. Never. It just won't. What it will do is change the way they feel about you. Think about THAT. So let's say your emotional person is being all erratic and emoting all over the place and its just to the point of being ridiculous. Your logical mind tells you that if you ignore it then it will go away. How is that working for you? Probably not very well because in the  mind of the emotional person you are a big ol' jerk. Yep, ignoring, minimizing, dismissing, or chastising the person will only make you look like an insensitive blankety blank. You cannot change someone's temperament any more than they can convince you that their issue is apocalyptic in nature. So what do you do? Validate. This is huge. It doesn't mean you agree. It doesn't mean you approve. It just means you acknowledge that it is a big deal to THEM.  Its not hard to do, but it will require you to be selfless for a moment and acknowledge that they are different. Different is ok.

2. Early in the relationship and periodically we will be testing you. Why? Because by nature we are insecure. We feel like we need to check in on the relationship every now and then and make sure you are still on board. We are always watching to see how you handle our drama. Do you get annoyed at the endless need for reassurance? That means you don't love/like me anymore. Do you not respond to my crises in a loving and supportive manner? That means you don't love/like me anymore. Do you mock my hysterics? That means you don't love/like me anymore. Get the picture? Now is any of that assessment true? Probably not. You could be in a bad mood or just tired. But you always need to understand that you are dealing with a delicate individual. We may try to look tough and unaffected but it stings. Every time without fail it stings and we question your loyalty and interest in the relationship.

3. We want to make you happy. Emotional people love to care for other people. It makes us happy. We will do almost anything for your approval so be kind. Don't take advantage of the giving nature we are blessed with. It may be a lot of work for you sometimes and it may require going above your own capacity for mushy hallmark moments, but we always make it worth your while. We will overlook an awful lot for the ones we love, but be careful not to burn bridges. If we have decided that you are untrustworthy or careless with our feelings you can kiss your all access pass goodbye. Once its been revoked it will take a long uphill road to win it back. Sometimes its gone for good.

I know we are a handful at times. I know we look like aliens when we are crying about things that are unreasonable and freaking out about things we can't change. Its how we work things out. We need to talk it out and we need you to listen. Otherwise you don't love/like me anymore and you get no more cookies. I'm glad we had this talk.

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