Called out

I've been put in a sticky situation. Its one of those lose/lose things where everyone can tell you what you should have done according to them, but there isn't a solution where everyone still likes you. I hate those.

My friend confronted me with my inaction the other day. I wish she could understand the emotional turmoil associated with information. Information you didn't care to know. Information that if shared makes other people look bad, including me.

If I tell then I am a narc and I am butting in. But the stakes were SO HIGH! I don't want to be the impetus for someone's fork in the road. I want to stay the heck out of people's personal business unless I am asked. I can't stand the thought of being hated for the collateral damage. And as much as everyone says that no one would blame me for coming forward, I have never seen it happen. They shoot the messenger you know. It always happens whether it was intentional or not. Someone is gonna have those feelings of "if you had just minded your own business all this wouldn't have fallen apart."

If I mind my own business then my loyalty to my friend is in question. What she doesn't understand is that I am loyal to her happiness, real or imagined. I would rather see her happy and ignorant than be the one to burst her bubble. My bubble is well constructed and I avoid a lot of "reality" to keep it that way.

But she doesn't want the bubble. She wants the truth and the truth is crap and disappointing. It turns my stomach and robs me of sleep. This conflict and being put in this position sucketh. Someone is going to be angry with me regardless of what I do. There is no such thing as inaction.

So I will give her what she wants even though it goes against my very nature. Even if it violates my "keep your mouth shut" upbringing. I can only hope that if this situation comes at me again that she remain true to her word and the messenger gets to live.