Today was bad. The past few days haven't been much better. It would seem I am in a competition for worst mother ever and I am gaining votes at an ever increasing speed. I could blame it on my hormones, but when has blame every accomplished anything? The truth is I am severely sleep deprived and yes, insanely hormonal. Any other sane person would recognize that these two factors alone are reason enough for some scaling back. No one ever said I was a sane or reasonable person now did they?
The truth is that I am becoming desperately ineffective at things I could once do in my sleep. You know, back when I was getting sleep. I had already decided that the month of December would be a family break. No homeschooling, no projects or company, just some time to breath and regroup as we welcome our new baby. I am watching myself unravel under the self imposed pressure, but I guess I am too dang arrogant to admit that maybe I don't have the mental fortitude or patience for my normal life right now. Its very depressing.
I am snappy, and over the top, impatient and angry. It is not my best I am giving every day. Unfortunately only weeks away from the arrival of my baby, its all I got. I am faced with the fact that no matter what I think or how I rationalize I am going to have to scale back even further. I have to simplify and take it easy now. If only for the kids sake. They don't need me storming around the house like a drill sergeant and barking all day. Its a sad state of affairs.
I think the solution is to enjoy my three little ones while there are only three. We will do school when we can........when I can. Until I am back to myself I am going to have to accept my limitations. Its so hard when you are driven to perform, but I don't want my kids to have to walk on egg shells around me. I grew up that way and its not cool. So now that I have said it I guess I have to stick with it. Wish me luck.
1 comment:
this is my mantra:)) Maybe you shouldnt hang around me so much:-O
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