Urgent prayer need

Let it be known, I suffer. I suffer from something and I don't know where I got it. Maybe from my Dad who was military and always half an hour early to everything. Maybe from actually being in the military or maybe its just a trait unique to my blood line. I am allergic to slack. I am incensed by unpreparedness and what I deem straight up lazy.

I have this force within that compels me to do above and beyond. When I commit, I commit like a bajillion percent. I am on time, I am prepared and I work to see the event or project run its course with perfection as the goal. Now I know perfection is unattainable, but it doesn't hurt to try. I have a hard time when I am in the boat with the non committal folk. It grates at my perfectionist core. I want to be patient because I am sure it is more friendly than what I am feeling when people roll in late to a scheduled event. I want to let it go when people have weeks upon weeks of notice and show up unprepared and clueless. I want that Christian good will and love to just radiate out, but instead I seethe with violence.

I get so angry.

So completely unreasonably, irrationally angry.

Look out.

How dare people waste my time. How dare they waste everyone's time. Its disrespectful.

Its incon-thee-vable. (remember that one?)

I don't know what to do about it. I try to roll with the punches and realize I can't take everything so seriously. I can't change people or make them like me. Even though that seems mighty attractive. ( I don't always operate by reason) I have to extend grace, be merciful and most of all shut up.

I can do all that.

I just don't know how I am going to disguise my annoyance. I could wear more makeup I guess or get really good at acting.......which might spur a career in the theater. I don't even know if I would like theater people anymore than the ones who irritate me currently. I will do the spiritual thing and pray that God will change them. Heaven knows I am not the one with the problem. So I suffer. I suffer with such great insight as to what people need to be doing and how they need to affect change. I am truly burdened. Help me Jesus.