I love Costco with all my heart and soul. I do. I love buying things in bulk. There is something satisfying about purchasing 10 cans of diced tomatoes in one felled swoop. Oh the possibilities! There is also something very comforting about having 50 rolls of toilet paper in your garage. You just never know when some baby or dog is going to leave you on the throne and in need. Babies and dogs are the main consumers of toilet paper at the Estes Ranch. Just a fun fact for you.
I also love my husband. I do. Now you may wonder if I love him as much as costco. It was close, but Dan the man wins that one. Mainly I think because he funds the trips to costco. He has me stuck there, but I won't complain......this time. Yes I can maintain the two relationships just fine as long as the two don't cross paths. Dan must stay away from costco at all times. He just ruins everything!
I love grocery shopping. I hated it when I was little though. I watched as my mother piled boring uninteresting food into the buggy. I couldn't pick anything. If anything good did ever end up in the cart it was for my dad and I couldn't have any. Sure the occasional debbie cake was thrown my way, but that doesn't really support my point about being deprived so we will just overlook that one. Okay?
Now that I am queen of the cart, goddess of the groceries, things are spiffy. I love buying food and deciding what wonderful things I will concoct. At costco I can buy hectares of the things I love unless Dan is there.
Dan is a guy so he is easily distracted by shiny things. I need to look at cartons of strawberries and 50 pound bags of potatoes, but he gets stopped right by the door. They put these stinking tvs at the front door.
I don't care about them
I don't want to look at them
We can't afford them
But every time we go in there he has to stand for a slow count of ten and stare. He is wasting my time. I only have precious minutes before Lorelai has had enough of the giant warehouse and I have to run for it. If that isn't bad enough then there are cameras and ski coats and GPSs he just has to stare at. Just stand and stare while other ladies, who are ok with heavy lifting, are greedily cleaning out the shelves. There will be no barrels of milk left for me if he doesn't hurry up!
He does not understand my rush. He is in no hurry. The drums of milk are in a fridge and there is no way they will be out before we get there. We have talked many times about his stress inducing dawdling, but to no avail. He tries, but he is just a man with a love for all things electronic. What am I to do? Should I lift all the cartons of necessity and load them into the minivan and (God forbid!) drag them into the house all by my little lonesome. I say no! There is a reason he was created with more upper body strength and this is it.
Things have a way of coming back around though. This time he dawdled looking at some stupid space heater and I warned him of Lorelai's impending tantrum and how he needed to move his keister. He ignored me as usual and all was well until we got near the end of our shopping trip. He wanted to look at movies before we left so I headed to the snack isles to make sure there was nothing there we couldn't live without. And I heard it. This high pitched crying out of the blue. I knew immediately it was my own baby. Every mother knows. Did I hurry through the remaining isles and rescue Dan? Of course not. He had not heeded my words. He was in no hurry and now neither was I. I rounded the corner to see him pushing the buggy at lightening speed. He rushed to the register and I followed slowly behind. Lorelai had called an end to the day. There was no movie for Dan. He barely got to look.
I said nothing. In my experience with Dan the man I have learned that he only comes by knowledge after suffering. I am glad to afford him the opportunity to grow. It is yet to be seen if he will pick up the pace next time. I am sure all it will take is a quick reminder that he didn't get a movie last time. He loves movies and I love costco. Hopefully everyone will be happy next trip and Lorelai will give us a break.
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