Welcome back!

So here it is. Its happened. We are no longer a night shift family and I couldn't have held out any longer. We have had a dark secret here at our ranch. I like to call our house a ranch, it just seems fitting. Maybe we have so many animal like children and I feel like I am herding them like cattle. Either way its ranch, a very suburban ranch and it hides things. We look like a happy family. Look, being the operative word in that sentence. We appear to get along pretty well, but things have been stirring. The fighting was getting to be unbearable. It didn't seem like a day went by that we weren't shouting at each other. The kids were annoyed and made it clear that they were sick of all the fighting. I think they were planning on snagging the credit cards and heading to Disney world as soon as we turned our backs. I cannot be sure of this, but I wouldn't have blamed them.

My parents are awesome at arguing, awesome. They can argue about nothing for hours and make it seem legit so when I started to notice a general tone of discord floating around the house I became concerned. We didn't used to bicker so much, but I just couldn't remember the last time I had looked at Dan and thought anything but murderous rage. Something was definitely wrong. It had been slowly building and my patience had been slowly waning. I never thought in my whole life I would see the "D" word as an option, but it had been running through my mind almost every day. I am not a quitter, but what do you do when you can't even have a conversation about the mundane without it exploding into an all out character assault. I decided I would study this and start taking notes.
I became a student of Dan the man. I started noticing when he was cranky and what most of his crankiness surrounded. It seemed to me that there was just no tangible cause. The angry got spewed out on whomever was around. I got blamed for everything under the sun just because I happened to be standing there. I started to think this man needed therapy. I found him a therapist and told him to go. Of course he didn't. Angry right fighters don't need no stinking therapy and they certainly don't need no stinking wives telling them they need therapy. Attempted and failed.

I started to notice a pattern. Sleeplessness. It appeared that I was dog poo when he was tired. I decided this was not true. It was statistically impossible for me to be at the center of all his problems. I mean, I don't even spend most of the day with him. I told him I would make him a chart to better illustrate. He got mad. At least I was on the right track, not with the chart though. He really hated that idea. Just for future reference and your own safety, do not attempt to make your point through scientific charts when husbands are tired. You really won't win.
So I collected my data. There were two distinct possibilities. A. I had married the king of the douches and should collect my things and go. B. Dan cannot adapt to being nocturnal and has been in a three year ever increasing state of sleep deprivation. Hoping that A was not true I explained my findings to his highness, without the use of a chart. We agreed to do a grand experiment. He would change shifts. He was just feeling worn out anyway. It took some convincing, but when sign ups came around he made the switch. I held my breath and prayed that this would work. Lawyers aren't cheap.

It has been almost 2 weeks now and I can safely say Dan is a changed man. He does not have that living dead appearance anymore. There is no more shouting about t-shirts and lost socks and the general decline of the government. I am amazingly not the horrible life ruining shrew I was painted out to be. I am a genius, well he didn't say that, but its true. He has been ever so nice. I think he is starting to view the last three years with some sanity now. I think I have some presents coming my way and I am not above gifts. I nonchalantly mentioned a thing or two I would like. Most of all its nice to be able to remember why I married him in the first place. People are happy at the ranch, smiling even. I guess some people just can't do nights. I just can't wait until I get my birthday present this year. It had better be good.