The circle of trust

You know that thing where you think that someone is in your circle? That list that we all have that is populated only by the few you would call for a ride to the emergency room is precious real estate. In my mind it is anyway. I am out here away from all my family on what feels like the other side of the world and it has become increasingly important to me to nail down that list. To know who has my back and who just has it in theory.

This urgency comes to me after a few friend mishaps over the past few weeks. A few slip ups in etiquette that I tried to over look. Some how when you ambiguously vent on Facebook people start taking notice. I didn't want to call any of the supposed offenders out because each of them was dealing with drama of their own. I will not be the drama llama. I know too many people who get off on making someone else's struggle their own personal tragedy. I loathe those people. So I tried to keep my mouth shut and only complain to Dan the man.

It didn't work. I was angry. I couldn't decide if this anger was legitimate or a product of 4am feedings with a fussy 6 week old baby. That combination has been known to spawn homicidal thoughts among many a bleary eyed mom. I just couldn't be sure.

I want to say "Hey! You turds! You hurt my feelings and you left me out! No soup for you!" In a literal sense of course because I made one of them soup. I just can't bring myself to do it though. I want to be appreciated, but I don't ever want to beg. I will not be the one asking other people for acknowledgement. Which is kinda what this rant is about, but I digress.....

I guess when it comes down to it I would go to the ends of the earth for some people. I would turn my world upside down to be there for them. It just sucks to think that I don't make their list. I mean, at least top ten? This is by no means an issue of self esteem either. I think I am great, awesome in fact which is why I think I should be on their lists.

You have to make room, I suppose, for faux pas. People screw up and forget their manners and sometimes where their support lies. I guess I can still send them Christmas cards, though there was a marked decrease in the number of cards I received this year. This has not gone unnoticed but that is another story.......and another list. I think after a full nights sleep I will reevaluate, but for now I just want some chocolate.