No I am not glowing, I can't breath

Its happening again. This unexplainable panic that engulfs me sometime during every pregnancy. I wish I could remember this when I am thinking about having another baby. Maybe I could write myself a note or something. Dan could be useful in this area too, but he is preoccupied with beer and crime.

I am already a tightly wound person, (thanks mom) but something happens to me when that wave of hormones gets to a certain level. I start to full on freak out. I get panicky, anxious and downright nuts. I get this thing called rhinitis during pregnancy. Its where the inside of your nose swells from......uh being pregnant. Well anyway it makes you feel like you are all stuffy. You can blow your nose all day long, but no relief will come.....cause its the swelling inside your nose not....uh snot and stuff. (ew) My mind grabs a hold of this stuffiness and runs havoc. I start to panic that I can't breath. I wake up at night stricken with fear that I will suffocate. Then I have a panic attack and really can't breath...... because I am so over the top with anxiety..... because I am dying. So I wake up Dan who is indispensable in these matters being a first responder and all. He calmly squints in my direction, looks at the clock and says "open your mouth" and promptly falls back onto his pillow into a coma.

So I don't wake him up anymore. I pray to Jesus, Oprah Winfrey and have myself a full on Ricky Bobby meltdown and 4:30 in the morning with my mouth closed. I need to breath out of my nose dangit! Isn't that what its there for??? My panic has lead me to try and prevent said episodes by strictly controlling my sleeping environment.

Humidifier- check

Air conditioner- check

Nasal spray- check

blinds up-check

Now this last on really irks Dan because he is an up with the sun kinda guy. He needs the light blocked out in order to sleep in, but when the blinds are down I feel like I am in a box. No air in and no air out. Can't do it. The blinds have to be up. All these little things don't help a bit. Logically I know this, but I am kinda nuts so logic doesn't really matter. This goes on until a few weeks after I have given birth and the hormones drop me like a prom date. Then I go into post partum where my life sucks and I cry uncontrollably for about 4 weeks. On the up side I got some breathe right strips to try and hold my swollen nose open a bit more. Maybe it will help, maybe it won't. I am trying to stay positive.

Maybe I will find something more productive to do at 4:30 in the morning than lose my mind. Maybe I will mop the floor or clean things. Maybe I will write a novel about a neurotic woman obsessed with her breathing. Sounds like best seller material to me.