His Highness

I haven't been doing much aside from taking copious amounts of heartburn meds and passing out on my couch around 5pm everyday. This is why there have been no blogs. I understand how empty this has made your lives so I decided that even in my weakened bloated state I should still blog.

I have had Dan the man home for about 3 weeks now. It feels like 3 years. I wish he could go back to work and stop following me around. I have learned some things about him in this short time. I think that if he were ever unemployed I would have to leave him. I cannot stand this man when he has no purpose. Of course I have tried to occupy him with one arm friendly tasks, but it seems all these things are beneath him. They do not satisfy his need for control. He NEEDS control.

Since he can't control criminals he has taken to controlling everything from breakfast to my driving. I know my driving is bad, but if you can't sit over there and shut up then take the bus. He is out of his element completely. He used to tell me how lucky I was to have so much time to watch tv in the evening. Yes, I let him live after making this comment. Now he is home every night and can see for himself that even though we have netflix and over 300 channels there is still nothing on.

I am trying not to hurt him. Lord knows I don't need him here any longer. He is better when he has people to handcuff and yell at. I won't let him do that to the kids no matter how much he begs. The kids are already tired of him and his crankiness. I don't think letting him discipline them in his current state would earn him any daddy points. No more "best dad" coffee mugs for his highness. Dad is almost on his way to the dog house. I kind of like being the "good" parent now. I am usually the mean one, but Dan is scooting into that seat and settling in.

I hope through all of this he can learn a little patience. I hope he doesn't waste all this time off. If it were me I would milk this for all its worth. I would have the kids fanning me and feeding me grapes. There is no way I'd be pacing around complaining about how I need to fertilize the yard. Men and women are really different. I am gonna keep driving Mr. crabby pants around and trying to entertain him because deep down I do love him. If he doesn't get a grip I may have to put him down. Get yourself together Dan.