You DO know how that happens don't you?

I am going to tell you about something very close to my heart. Babies. Not all babies, just mine. I know there are folks who love every single child on the planet like they were their own. I think those people are saints. I was one of the children hating variety and that is why my love my monkeys is so strange.

I was NEVER going to get married. I was also never going to have kids. They would have gotten in the way of my plans for world conquest. I was going to have a life and travel. No one was going to tie me down. I used to pity those poor stay at home mommies in their sweat pants and scrunchies. They never seemed put together and were continually complaining. I would think "you brought those little snot monsters into the world so deal with it". I was very gracious

Much to my own surprise I did get married and this guy had a way of convincing me to do things that terrified me. I was sure I would make the worst mother ever. Babies grossed me out. They leaked from every orifice in their bodies. I could not handle that amount of bodily fluid.

No. Way.

It just wasn't for me. I knew it, but lots of things that I just know I won't like I seem to do anyway. That's the thing about me, I will at least try things. I don't know if I thought I could return a baby or cry "do over" if it didn't work out. So I ended up getting pregnant. It was planned of course. No surprises, or so I thought.

My pregnancies are horrible. I know people who have worse ones, but in my state of misery that isn't much comfort. The baby came and something weird happened. I didn't freak out. I took the baby home and never once felt panicked. Something in my brain changed and I just knew how to do everything. I was so at ease with this person. The baby wasn't gross she was gorgeous. I swear a more beautiful human being never walked the earth. Complete shocker.

I think I have some natural disposition for children. I still have to work at liking and tolerating other kids, but mine are a breeze. I know I was gonna change the world, but I feel like by populating it with kind God fearing people I still am. Its all about perception. So yes, I am pregnant again with number 4. Yes, I feel as though death would be a relief at times and yes my kids do stress me out.

But

Somehow I am good at this. I don't know how or why. I never babysat or took child psychology. My best guess is God has granted me some grace and wisdom for these babies he has given me. What a total turn my life has taken. I don't wear sweatpants and scrunchies, but I do have lots of kids and love it. I guess its good to try new things.