Mr Right

So I am thinking about marriage. I, being the catch that I am, am married. Most of my friends are too. And yeah us girls talk a lot and most of it is about our kids and our husbands. I talk about my husband a lot.....a whole lot. He is probably my most favorite subject. I find endless ways to laugh at him, which most people find offensive. He genuinely couldn't care less. I guess he is more secure with himself than most people are. He can laugh at himself. So why can't I?

When you talk to married women you usually get to hear the lies about how great their husbands are. Sometimes after you have known them a while you get to the juicy stuff like how he is a caveman and drinks from the milk carton or leaves the toilet seat up. The list of pet peeves could stretch across the ocean and back. And I wonder to myself how some women could put up with billy bob or cletus. I mean, afterall he sounds horrible. I think how I could never deal with his bad attitude or childishness, but I decided to look in the ol' mirror today. It made me wonder about the picture that I am painting of the Dan the man to other people.

Most people, being ignorant and easily fooled, think he is pleasant. Its not their fault, they just don't know him. I feel it is my duty to point out what a saint I am for having stuck around this long. I wonder if he says that to his friends. I can hear conversations in my head like "Oh my God! If my wife brings home one more freakin swirly thing to hang on the wall I am gonna move out. I am in a prison of swirly metal!!!" Now I doubt he more than grunts at the guys he works with, but I find it entertaining to imagine his complaints. And I do love swirly metal things. I bought another one today that he really hates.

It seems like in our marriages we all think we are right and the other person is wrong. And while it may be that way in my marriage, I am right and he is wrong, I don't think its universal. I am glad that I have friends that will agree that Dan is horrible and mean to me. I am also glad that I have friends who think I may be a little nuts and should be thankful for what I have. At least I am not married to their husbands. What I don't like is the occasional acquaintance who wants to get all judgy and parental. They don't want you to say your husband is a douche because he won't take out the trash even though he said he would take out the trash and the trash is piled higher than your oldest child and now you have to take out the stinkin trash because you refuse to dwell in squalor...... Sometimes he needs to be called out. I certainly never mind lending an ear to another lady dealing with the short comings of her man. Thats what we are there for.

I think men and nosy eaves dropping people should be thankful that not all our complaints are aired to our husbands. Our friends talk sense into us when we are in a hormonal rage and are ready to murder him for not replacing the toilet paper. Then there are times when they have some good advice for how to deal with the bigger stuff. I am glad that not everyone I know bases their opinion of Dan purely on what I say about him. People with sense will get to know someone before they go deciding who that person is. I do say nice things about my husband and sometimes I even think nice things about my husband. And when the timing is right he gets to hear them. So he doesn't care what I say as a joke about him at his expense. He thinks its just as funny as I do that he thought our fridge magnet of the mona lisa was really mother theresa. You just can't make this stuff up. Why would I deny my friends these gems? He is my special,special Dan. I don't care to know how he describes me. I am sure he is very complimentary, as he should be. So if you don't like what you hear then.....well go listen to someone else. Yes we may need counseling, but certainly not for that. We have to get this trash thing under control.